Myspace

this story is about me and its something i have done and still do, which i am bothered by. it surprises me because im not a person who would normally act like this. it was an act out of heartbreak and confusion that still taunts me to this day. it's almost so cliche in a way, dealing with of all things, myspace. how lame, right? well sometimes a stupid internet site can spill the beans and cause all sorts of heartache...now i will bring you back to a november night, 2005. i had a wonderful phone call with my ex boyfriend/good friend. things were getting a little shakey with us when he moved away and he wanted to end our "relationship" that october. i wasnt dealing well with it, but hey, im a pretty strong girl. i start noticing this girl all over his myspace. ok, he made a new friend, good. then after that november night, i came home, checked myspace and saw a picture she posted. it was of her and him. she was on his lap and it looked about seconds away from them kissing. i saw that and immediately lost it and by that i mean water works and bodily fluids. i couldnt help myself. this is the man i was and am so in love with. this is the man that tried to push me away but kept coming back. this is the man that told me hed always love me. how am i supposed to deal with a new girl in his life? its harder than it sounds because you dont know our complete history. so after that i have gone to this girls myspace page every single day. i still do now to this day and i have no reaosn to. this man is now my world, we are back together and are talking about marriage and children. its like a sickness in a way. i dont want my heart to break again. almos tknowing someone but not knowing them who YOU know has been extremely close to tyhe one you love. you are not exactly sure how far their relationship went, you are curious about it but yet never want to actually know what happens behind closed doors. its the hardest thing to ever deal with. im not a stalker by any means. i have fallen so hard for someone and cant imagine life without him. we both realize that now and we plan our future together. i just keep this as a secret, even from him, the man and only person that knows every detail about me. i cannot believe i pretty much stalk this girls myspace. why? shes probably a nice girl. and from what ive seen and read, she seems a lot like me. maybe thats why he was attracted to her. who knows, maybe she feels her privacy is violated. its something i am almost ashamed of and embarassed of. theres no excuse for it. when it comes down to it, i watch out for myself and im very aware of little details around me at all times.